Tell Me
by Raphaelfanguy4real
Summary: Raphael doesn't tell people how he feels, not really. But when the time comes for him to do so, he finds that it might actually help, and his brothers learn some things they didn't know before about their hot-headed sibling. Just a little fluff shot! Rated for violence and suicidal thoughts. please R&R!


_**just a little Raphael one-shot! i love Raph, hehe! anyway, I'm super sorry about my story Loneliness being on hold, so i decided to publish this to make you all feel better! (you know, if you care). but**_ _ **enough**_ _ **about me, i hope you all enjoy!**_

It was a usual patrol, in general. Leo was being his usual leader self, telling them to be quiet and scanning each alley and street before jumping across. Donatello was right behind him, though he seemed preoccupied and was only half listening to his commands. Raph was in the back, as he usually was, and constantly rolled his eyes at his three other brothers. Michelangelo was skipping and running and flipping across the buildings and around his brothers, humming to himself the entire time. Suddenly, a shout rang from an alley a street over and all four of their heads swiveled in unison.

"Well, Fearless, are we going or are we going?" He started toward the screams and Leo cast him an annoyed glance before they followed. They caught up with Raph on the edge of a building, as he watched what was happening below with a grimace. A group of purple dragons were beating up two kids, one who looked about Seventeen, and one who looked like his sister, around twelve.

"What are we going to do?" Mikey asked, eyes wide. Leo frowned, thinking.

"What we should do!" Raph snapped as he jumped down in between the gang members and the kids, sai out in defensive. "What are you punks doing? It's saturday, take a break!" the kids screamed and scrambled back, cornering themselves more. Leo and the others jumped down beside him.

"Way to listen to orders, Raph!" Leo snarled as the Dragons attacked, he ducked a pipe to the head and kicked the wielder in the stomach.

"Sorry i'm a better 'hero' than you are!" Raph snarled in reply, Donnie and Mikey both rolled their eyes as they pushed the gang out of the alley. The fight was going fairly well, though sometimes the purple dragons didn't know when to quit. As they pushed the fight out into the street, Raph glanced behind him. The two kids were still in the back, staring.

"Well? Run!" he snapped, they didn't need more persuading and ran off down the street. Then a glimpse of something caught Raph's eye. One of the dragons had pulled out a handgun, and was aiming carefully at someone who was fighting another gang member. Donnie! Raph reacted instinctively, and pushed two dragons beside as he dove between his brother and the incoming bullet, all in less than two seconds, as the purple dragon pulled the trigger. Pain erupted in Raphael's arm and Donatello, having finally knocked out his opponent, turned in terror at the sound of a gunshot, and his eyes widened as Raph clutched his wounded arm, while kicking another of the dragons.

"Let's get outta here." one of them snarled, "those kids got away anyway." the dragons dispersed and Don grabbed Raph's arm, relieved to see that the bullet had merely carved a small groove in his skin, and not fully entered, though it was still a bullet wound.

"Leo, we have a problem!" he called, Raph snatched his arm away.

"I'm fine!" he snarled, "just a scratch, Donnie, they weren't even aiming at me! I made it so you didn't get brained!" Don ignored him and pulled out bandages from his belt, wrapping the wound tightly.

"Just because it isn't severe doesn't mean it's not an injury." he scoffed, "i can take care of myself, Raph, you're too impulsive for your own good."

"I agree." Leo said, folding his arms as soon as he saw Raph wasn't too badly injured. "You just jumped into that fight without thinking, Raph, just like last week, and the week before that, and the years before those!" Raph rolled his eyes as they made their way to the manhole cover, Donnie still hovering next to him anxiously.

"Leo, it's done, forget about it." he insisted. They made their way through the sewers toward home. Raph sighed inwardly at Leo's galres that meant he'd get a lecture when they arrived home. Sure enough, he motioned for Raph to follow him, Raph ignored him and sat down on the bench around the pit. Rather than being put out, Leo stood in front of his brother, arms crossed.

"Leo-"

"Not now, Donnie, you said yourself it's not that serious." Leo snapped. Don and Mikey joined them in the pit.

"Leo, i think we should talk about this as a team, mostly because when just you and Raphael 'talk' about it, you get in a huge fight!" Don exclaimed, "and on top of Raph being injured, he shouldn't run off right now, that's all I'm saying." Raph frowned and opened his mouth indignantly, but was cut off by Leo.

"I think that's a great idea, Donnie." Leo declared, "but i want to talk to Raph first, alright?" Raph crossed his arms painfully and slouched back.

"I don't know what you want to talk about." he grumbled. Leo sighed in exasperation.

"Yes, you do Raph!" he snapped, "it's the same thing we talk about every time we go on a mission! You're always running into battle prematurely and endangering all of us, not to mention getting yourself injured half the time! What if you make a mistake, Raph? What if one of us, or you, get's killed, because you ran off without orders?"

"Maybe you should give me orders to move!" Raph replied hotly.

"No, Raph! You very well could have been killed tonight!" Raph opened his mouth to reply but Leo ignored him. "Every single time, you get us in unnecessary fights! And it has to stop! It's like you want to kill everyone in the world. What is with that?"

"He's right, Raph." Donnie agreed, "I've started making two entire medkits, one for you and your injuries obtained from you rushing into battles, and another for the rest of us! It doesn't just affect you!"

"And what if you die?" Mikey added fearfully, "we couldn't live without you!" Raph clenched his fists as if to block the words his brothers were flinging at him. Did they really think he was that useless? He sighed, they were right, of course, but he didn't like that they thought that about him.

"Face it, Raph, if you want to be a part of this team you need to _be_ a part of the team! If you want to come out on patrols with us, you're going to have to listen to my orders!" Raphael blinked. He shot to his feet, mind whirling. Leo was threatening to keep him off patrols?

"Is that what you think?" Raph snapped, "that i'm just a hotheaded reckless ninja who has not enough honor to listen to his leader and do what's right?" Leo didn't answer for a moment.

"I'm beginning to feel like that, yes." he said softly, Raph looked around at his other two brothers, who were both looking saddened, but didn't argue.

"I get it." Raph said dejectedly, glaring at the floor. "I get that's what you think alright? 'Hothead, reckless, hostile.' what else do you call me again?" he chuckled a bit to himself, pointing a finger at each brother. "A lot of things! You always have! I'm dangerous, I'm impulsive, I'm overemotional and i have anger issues! Isn't that what you see?" Raph halted and spread his arms, staring at his brothers, who were equally as surprised.

"Raph-"

"No, Leo, you don't have to say it anymore!" Raph snarled, "I get it, alright? After all, _I'm_ the big screw up, _I'm_ the one who always messes up the missions, isn't that right?" he laughed, a strange loud laugh. His brothers were staring at him as if they didn't understand, and Raph laughed again. "Isn't that right, Leo, Mikey, Don? Isn't that what you think?" he paused, then spoke in a mocking voice. "After all, it's true, isn't it? Everything you've said? Raphael endangered the mission. Raphael is scared of bugs! Raph turned into a plant!" he shook his head, "and that's just the most memorable ones!"

"Raph, please," Don spoke again, Raph plowed right over him.

"Raph quit the team! Raphael got mind controlled! Raph was turned into a vampire!" their brother suddenly bared his teeth, showing the slightly pointed canines both he and Donatello had retained. "Raph never listens to Leo! Raph beats up Mike and runs into battle unnecessarily! Raph sprains his ankle and makes Leo think he can go out alone and Mikey get's _eaten!_ " he roared, they all winced. "What's the matter? Isn't that what you think? Isn't that what you say? Aren't you disappointed in me, Leo? What about you, Mikey, Donnie? Are you disappointed in Raph the screw up? Raph the hothead?" he laughed again, turning his back on them after kicking a beanbag chair. "Raph the endangerment? Raph who only cares about himself? Is that what you see? Tell me!" he pointed at them again. "Tell me what you really think! Tell the truth! Tell me all you see when you look at me is a huge disappointment, the guy who was five feet away from his father and couldn't save his life! Tell me! Isn't that who I am? Aren't I Raphael, the guy who doesn't even care about his own family? Tell me that I'm Raph, who screamed when a tiny bug crawled on his arm! Tell me I'm Raph, who's girlfriend betrayed us in space and almost got us killed! Why don't you just say it instead of telling me to straighten up? Huh?"

"Raph!" Mikeys aid in dismay, "We don't-"

"Oh yeah?" Raph laughed bitterly, shaking his head, "you don't think I'm a failure, Mike? You aren't going to tell me what a jerk I am? Tell me! Seriously! Tell me you hate me, and that I'm your least favorite brother!" he turned to them, panting, and with his eyes narrowed. "Why won't you just tell me the truth for once? Oh my dear brothers? Tell me I could have gotten Don killed tonight by jumping in at the wrong time! Tell me it was my fault that Leo was unconscious for three months because I was out with Casey and not with you! Tell me it's my fault the triceratons almost destroyed earth because I made friends with that scout! Tell me it's my fault Father died because I was too weak to save his life! Tell me I'm a dangerous animal and should be killed! Tell me the truth for once!"

"None of us think any of that." Leo said quietly, "Raph-"

"What?" Raph spread his arms, eyes wide, "What is it, Leo? You know it's true, even I know it's true!" he laughed the terrifying laugh again. "Tell me I'm a jerk, tell me I'm a hothead! Tell me what a danger I pose to the team because I try to follow my gut instincts! Tell me I'm like Oroku Saki and that I'll grow up to be just like the shredder!" his brother's eyes were wide, and Raph felt his resolve start to waver. "Tell me I'm not what I want to be, tell me I'll never be a good brother! Tell me I'm not going to amount to anything because I have a stupid temper! Tell me I'm stupid because I sleep with my stupid mask on, to keep you from seeing my scars!" he suddenly tore the mask from his face to reveal a large ugly scar between his eyes. "Tell me, Leo! Tell me Mikey, Tell me! Tell me what you really think!"

None of them spoke, and Raph replaced his mask, already uncomfortable without it. He stared into each of their eyes, they were all shocked and terrified. He hated it. He hated scaring them like that, what was wrong with him?

"I'm sorry." he spread his hands helplessly, "I'm sorry i can't be a good brother for you, I'm sorry, alright? And I wish I wasn't so…" his shoulders slumped and he clamped his eyes shut. "Weak. I wish I wasn't so weak, ok? I get it, you don't have to rub it in any more."

"We don't think you're weak, Raph." one of them said, Raph didn't believe that, he knew he was weak, so why wouldn't they think so? He looked up at them, eyes glossy with unshed tears.

"I wish I could be strong for you guys." he whispered, "but I can't. I've tried so hard, but apparently I'm just not good enough, you don't have to tell me when I fail, you don't have to tell me I'm a hothead, I know. I tell myself the same things constantly, but it doesn't help in the slightest, so please. Just. Stop." As Raph calmed down, he realized how many of his secrets he'd just revealed to his brothers. He'd revealed that he blamed himself for their father's death, he had told them what he thought of himself, something he'd sworn never to do, and he'd shown them one of the many scars he hid, that they didn't know about. Raph had told them he was weak, he'd admitted it, and he'd shown them he was like the Shredder. He fell to his knees, tears finally sliding out of his eyes, he never cried in front of them, it showed weakness. But he guessed that didn't matter now.

"Raphael…" Leo was on his knees beside the green eyed turtle. "I'm so sorry, I didn't know you felt that way, and I definitely don't think those things about you."

"Liar."

"He's not lying, Raph!" Mikey said, kneeling on his other side, "he means it, I do too! You aren't like that at all! We were just trying to help you!"

"No one can help me." Raph said, shrugging, Don knelt with them and looked at his brother sadly.

"Raph, we don't think you're any of those things, we had no idea you thought that about yourself." he insisted, Raph laughed bitterly, wiping tears off his face.

"Yeah, sure, you were sure I only thought about myself and what I had to gain from anything, say it! I know you think I'm a conceited jerk." he clamped his eyes shut. "And you were right." three pairs of arms tightened around him in a big turtle hug, and Raph's eyes opened in surprise, letting the fresh batch of tears past. Why were they hugging him? He just told them they were always right, and that he was a horrible brother, why would they care about him now of all times?

"Raph, of course we don't think you're a conceited Jerk." Leo stated, hugging Raphael tighter. "I know I've said those things, but I get angry too, Raph, we all get angry, we all make mistakes. And in no way is Sensei's death your fault, alright?" Raph pushed them away and stood, ignoring Mikey's soft cry of pain at his actions.

"See, this is just what I'm talking about!" he exclaimed, pointing at them, "even when I've admitted what a horrible brother I am, you're still the good guys, the nice brothers, the perfect sons!"

"We aren't perfect Raph!" Don insisted, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder, "though I must admit, I had no idea you felt this way, I thought I'd be able to tell, I've trained myself to be able to tell when you're upset." Raph frowned, what? He'd thought he'd been good at hiding the fact that he hid his emotions, but Raph shrugged it off.

"Guess I'm a better actor than you thought." he said, shrugging, "besides, nothing changes the fact that I know more about myself than you do." no one spoke, ha! They had no combat for that one!

"What does that have to do with anything?" Leo asked, "Raphael, why don't we just address every single concern you spoke of? Wouldn't that help?" Raph scowled, there he was, perfect Leo, Fearless leader, the new Sensei.

"That's what Splinter would do." Don agreed, Raph laughed, suddenly, his head flying back in the laughter that held absolutely no amusement.

"R-Raph?" Mikey asked, raph suddenly pointed a finger at Leo.

"Sorry to tell you this, fearless, but you. Aren't. Splinter." he said blockily, "no one will ever. Replace Splinter, I know you want to try and be the best leader and sensei you can be, and you can do that. But you are not my father, and you are not ever going to be my father. I'm never going to have a father again. And nothing can change the fact that it's my own fault, either. Alright? Nothing has to change, after this. Nothing! Life will go on the way it always has! You'll forget this conversation, you're going to pass this off as another fight. Just another time Raphael was being over emotional and caused contention." his voice hardened. "Just another time Raph the over-emotional, reckless, impulsive, hotheaded brother of yours was a big, what did you call it Donnie? A crybaby? Yup. that's exactly what this is, so just go into your lab," he waved his hands in a 'magic poof' "and your comic books, and your meditation, I'll go to my room." he pointed to the doorway decorated with a stop sign. "And this will all be completely forgotten, alright?" he turned, to go to the room he'd just pointed to, but all three of his brothers ran to stand in front of him.

"No, not alright!" Leo demanded, "Raphael, we need to talk about this! None of us are going to forget what you've said tonight! I'm certainly not going to forget it!"

"Good." Raph said, shrugging, "you need to know you were right, you all do, and I need to go to bed."

"Raph, please." Mikey begged, eyes wide. "We love you so much, we don't want you to feel this way!"

"Why not?" Raph asked, "why shouldn't I know my own flaws?" but a sudden idea hit Raphael's mind. What if they were actually telling the truth? "Because I'm wrong, yet again?"

"Yes, Raph." Don agreed, "you're wrong. You are not like Shredder, you are not responsible for Father's death, and as for your anger issues and emotions, we all have different problems. We don't hate you, we love you, you're our brother." Raph didn't answer, and they all grabbed him in another hug.

"Please, Raph, let's talk about this for once instead of yelling." Leo agreed, hugging Raphael tightly. Raph didn't reply, he just stood stiffly in their embrace, wondering what he ever did to deserve such great brothers.

"We love you Raphie!" Mikey squealed, patting Raph on the head jokingly. "And besides, it's not like you've only ever done bad things!"

"That's true." Leo agreed as the group hug broke up and they stepped back awkwardly. "When I wa sin a coma, you hardly even slept while you were watching over me."

"Yeah." Donnie piped up, "and all the times you drag me to bed at two am? Almost every day after that I find some big break over what I was trying to work on, and you were the one to get April to break out of Zarr Narron's control."

"And whenever we're in trouble you help us!" Mikey declared, "like tonight when that guy tried to shoot Donnie!" Raph gave a grudging smile.

"Yeah, and I'm not the only person who screws things up either, right Leo?" Leo punched him playfully.

"For a minute I thought you'd lost your personality." he snorted, Raphael's smile melted from his face. Leo tilted his head to one side. "But, this isn't going to be fixed that easily, Raph, you just admitted what good of an actor you are. And I want to talk about this more, a lot more. Starting with what I really think." Raph's eyes widened and he took a step back, he didn't want to know what they thought of him

"Leo-"

"You." Leo poked a finger into Raph's chest. "Are strong." Raph blinked. "And you are good, you are kind, you always try to put other people before yourself and you always try to do what's right for the entire world. It's like you feel wholly responsible for the entire earth, and You are a great brother. The fact that you're afraid of becoming the shredder makes me certain that you will never become like him." Raph swallowed deeply, trying to wrap his mind around this.

"Yeah, you're great Raph." Donatello agreed, "the amount of times you've picked a lock faster than me just by stabbing it...I don't want to admit that. You are very smart, and you've saved our lives tons of times. I mean, you saved Leo from getting smashed to death years ago when he blew up TCRI, and that's just an example. You always keep fighting Raph, that's how I see you." Raph allowed a small smile to grace his face when Mikey looked at him, face expressionless.

"I see you…" he said, "as an emotional hothead." Raph blinked and Mikey cracked up, Leo gave him a slap on the back of the head. "Hee hee! Yous hould all see your faces!" he giggled, then sobered. "But seriously, bro? You're awesome! Did i ever tell you how lucky you are?"

"You recite that dr. suess book by heart and I'm going to slap your freckles off you!" Raph snapped, though he was grinning. How was it that whenever he was feeling like this, like the LVP, and they noticed, that they always managed to make him feel better. He frowned. "Are you guys sure? I mean, you're right about my anger."

"Did I ever tell you about the time I got so mad I almost slit someone's throat?" Don asked bluntly, Raph blinked.

"That was different!" Raph protested, "Vicioso tried to dissect you alive! He was an enemy! You don't take out your anger on the people you care about the most!" Don shrugged as if it didn't really matter, and Raphael rolled his eyes.

"Face it, Raph." Leo put a hand on his brother's shoulder, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "However much you want to be the evil one, we all know Donnie's the real criminal mastermind."

"Hey!" Donnie protested, folding his arms. "How did you find out?" they all laughed and Raphael found his heart considerably lighter than it had been in a long time.

"Can i ask you something?" Leo asked suddenly, looking at Raph. "well, a few things, first off, how do you see us?" Raphael blinked, surprised, he hadn't expected to ever be asked that question, though he'd thought about it very much, now that he considered it.

"Well…" he said slowly, "you first Fearless, I've always seen you as the goody two shoes teacher's pet, the perfect student, perfect son," he hesitated. "And the perfect brother." that one caught Leo off guard, Raph sighed. "And that's why I always argued with you, I wanted to prove that you were just as human as I was when, in reality, You're way better than I am."

"Right." Leo said, smiling and shaking his head. "Sure,"

"But I've also always thought you were cocky and knew just how great you were, and thought it'd go to your head, I had to deflate it a few times, now and then, here and there."

"That's true." Don chortled, Leo yelped indignantly.

"And other than that?" Raph shrugged. "I see you how I call you, Leo, Fearless." Leo tilted his head.

"So, you aren't just making fun of me!"

"oh , no, I'm totally making fun of you too." Raph snorted, "why can't it be both? You know the best way to get away with lying is to say the actual truth sarcastically?"

"And that's Raphael's motto." Mikey declared, "me next! How do you see me Raph?" Raph laughed, thinking. Mikey was...the hardest to decide.

"Mikey, you…" Raph spread his hand across the air, "are like my pet dog who's' also a parrot and a dolphin, who occasionally spray paints pink hearts on my shell and helps me get Leo to walk under the doorway I've rigged, thereby covering him in itching powder and blue paint."

"Raphael!" Leo said in astonishment, "that was you? I got mad at Mikey!"

"He did it too." Raph shrugged. "Sheesh, but really, Mikey? You're my sunshine, you're always trying to cheer me up, even when I don't wanna be. You always seem to know exactly what i need and when, though you don't always do that thing."

"Sometimes you want to be left alone," Mikey explained, "Boring!" they all laughed. Then Raph paused, he looked to Donatello.

"And Donnie…" he paused. "I guess you're what I've always wished I was." that surprised everyone. "Not completely, but yeah. You're smart, and useful to the team, you make these awesome inventions, you can be sarcastic without being completely rude about it and you can control your temper better than I can, and to be honest, I hate being the short one." Don grinned and pointedly leaned on Raphael, his arm resting atop the red masked turtles head. "Yeah yeah, don't rub it in!" he snapped, "I mean, I wish I was level headed like Leo, and I want to be the perfect son, and I wish I could make people laugh like Mikey, but you're closest to both of those Donatello. But that's still farther than I'll ever get."

"Not true!" Mikey exclaimed, "dude! You're a totally awesome brother! And I'm sure Splinter thought you were the greatest son! Besides, what did you mean by not being useful to the team?" Raph blinked, had he said that?

"Yeah Raphael, what's the story there?" Leo asked, "you are very useful, you're even better at fighting than me!"

"Yeah." Raph snorted in derision. "Good at fighting with you, father, and Donnie and Mikey, and I'm good at running into fights prematurely, and I'm good at causing fights and contention. Come on, you guys all do useful things, what can i do? I can do 300 pushups in an hour on my sais, that's not contributing!"

"300?" Mikey's eyes were round. "Whoa."

"Come off it." Raph snorted, "Leo, you're the leader, th big brother, and now the sensei, and even though no one can replace Splinter, you're good at it. You keep us from killing each other and you guilt trip me enough into realizing I want to stay, that I'd regret leaving. Don, you make the inventions and you give us power and all that stuff I said a minute ago. And Mike." Raphael sighed. "You make great food, you could create almost a hundred meals with just worms and algae, you're so much more naturally talented than us, but you want to make us smile more then improve upon your abilities, and somehow haven't gotten killed because of it! And what can Raph do? Raph can punch a wall or a punching bag until he makes his knuckles bleed, Raphael can almost cause his brothers deaths by getting his best friend mutated into a giant killing machine. What use am I to this team, compared to all of you?" it was more than he meant to say, but afterwards, Raph was surprised to find that it felt right not to be keeping these secret shames inside him any longer.

"What can you do?" Leo asked, "I said earlier, you make me question every detail of the plan with your constant bickering, you make me rethink everything and a few times that has actually saved our lives, but you also give me reality checks, when I get too cocky, you're there to bring me down."

"Yeah!" Mikey exclaimed, "and you're super strong! You can save our lives whenever you want, because you're so great! And I bet you would even die for us, huh? You always walk in the back on patrol to watch out for us, I noticed that! And you're always down to prank Leo with me!" Leo narrowed his eyes good naturedly as Donnie piped up.

"And almost every I stay up the whole night, you stay up with me and talk, you don't know how important that is to me. The nights you don't come I barely get anything done, wondering if you're ok in there." Raph blinked, he didn't know that. "And some nights you drag me to bed, and stuff food down my throat because you don't want me to pass out again. Raph, you're much more than the muscle, if it weren't for you I doubt we'd still be alive. I can think of times you've saved our lives for sure." this made Raph snort in disbelief.

"Yeah? Name when I've saved your lives, each of you." he was shocked when they rattled off their experiences one by one.

"When you caught me down that drain with the squirrelanoids." Mikey stated, followed by Leo's.

"When you saved me in the nick of time when i jumped from TCRI." the blue masked leader declared.

"You were strong enough to remind April of me, right when she was about to reduce you to a quantum smear, thereby saving myself and the world." Donatello finished with, "and those are just the best ones!" Raph felt a grin break out on his face. He had started off today wondering if it'd be his last, if he would follow through with the urges his depression had been giving him, that seemed so insanely far away and impossible now. The depression? Ha! He could fight through it. Suicide? Why would he do that when his brothers would bring him back to life, just to kill him for hurting them like that? Perfect? Everyone has flaws, apparently.

"Thanks, guys." he said softly. "You have no idea the low place I was in today." they all exchanged a quick worried glance. He winced, hoping they didn' ask any more, when Leo opened his mouth.

"So, I had another question, Raph." Raph tensed. "Where did you get the scar on your face, and do you really sleep in that mask just so we don't see it?" Raph reached up and fingered his mask tails, wondering how to answer.

"Yeah, Raph." Don said, "any injury like that I would have noticed, and treated, but I never remember you getting injured in your skull that badly." he hesitated, "would you show us again? Please?" now Raph froze. He hid that scar for a reason, he hated that scar. And they had never talked about when he got mind controlled, in fact, the red masked turtle had nearly broke Donnie's arm when he accidentally brought it up once. But the looks on his brothers faces now were ones of worry, concern, and love. So Raph reached up and pulled his mask back down around his neck, like he did occasionally when he had to wash his face. They all studied it for a moment.

"I have no idea where you might have gotten that." Leo confessed, peering at Raph's face, "I mean, seriously. When and where? We would have noticed the blood, Raph. and you were never gone more than a day when you quit."

"It didn't bleed." Raph said softly, "I guess that was part of the gross sciency stuff on that brain worm." a hushed shock entered their faces, and Don's mouth fell open.

"You mean…" the genius turtle broke the silence and took a deep breath. "It _drilled itself into your brain?_ " Raph nodded slowly, wincing at the memory. He self consciously replaced his mask, effectively hiding the scar once more.

"Geez, it's like I just died or something." he snorted, "that was two years ago, guys, it doesn't hurt and thinking about it won't change the past. I just prefer to keep my mask on at all times, that's all." RAPh wondered vaguely if he should reveal his other scars, that were caused by a more familiar enemy, but decided against it. He hadn't cut his wrists in months, and despite his thoughts earlier in the day, wasn't going to again anytime soon.

"Let's watch TV!" Mikey declared, Jumping to his feet. "We'll watch your favorite, Raph." the orange masked turtle smirked. "We can watch _Bambi_."

"I was six, Mikey!" Raph growled, Mikey laughed his head off, "ah shaddup, let's watch Jurassic Park." they all murmured agreement and Leo excused himself to go make popcorn, and Donatello warned him away from a recently repaired toaster. Mikey was digging through the movies and Don looked sideways at his brother.

"Do you really mean it when you say I'm what you wish to be?" he asked softly, Raph nodded solemnly.

"Why not? You're awesome!" he declared, throwing an arm around Donatello's shoulders. The purple masked turtle retaliated by placing his chin atop Raph's head, as he knew it annoyed the shorter turtle, and then replied.

"Well, I feel the same way about you. You're stronger than me, and also fairly smart and good with mechanics, and a surprising number of locks."

"Just stab the little green board, dude." Raph shrugged, "isn't that the motherboard? Not that hard to figure out." Don rolled his eyes.

"Or maybe it's because i prefer to cause the least damage to delicate technology when I do it." he decided, "whatever, Raph." Raph chuckled and felt peace, instead of a hiding resentment and anger, settle in his chest.

"Here's the popcorn!" Leo plopped down beside them with a full bowl, Mikey cried in accomplishment and slid the old Jurassic Park VHS tape into the player.

"Here's the movie! Let's go!" he declared, Raphael rubbed his cheeks, getting the last feelings of having recently cried off them, and then leaned over to poke Mikey in the back of the head.

"Hey!" Mikey turned to who was sitting beside him, aka Leo. "Leo! Stop!" Leo rolled his eyes and watched the movie as it started.

"What, not gonna call me out?" Raph whispered teasingly into his brother's ear slit. Leo rolled his eyes.

"Shut up and eat your popcorn Raph. you're still technically injured or I'd be having you do flips."

"Sure." Raphael snorted, he took a piece of popcorn and flicked it over Leo's head at Mikey.

"Leo!" now Leo did glare at Raph.

"I said shut up and eat your popcorn!" he demanded, Raphael complied by grabbing a fistful and smashing it into his mouth, Leo hated him eating like that. Cobalt eyes narrowed in annoyance but they all turned back to the tv. The most memorable part of the night after that however, was Donatello somehow falling completely off the bench onto the beanbag chair, landing exactly upside down. It was totally not Raph's fault, aka completely his fault, but Leo still glared at him.

"No more popcorn for you!" Leo joked, holding the half empty bowl away from him.

"Wanna bet?" Raph growled, he lunged across Leo and grabbed the bowl, thus spilling it over Mikey, who giggled and grabbed a handful out of the now half full bowl, before turning and watching the movie again. Raphael felt an un-explainable calm wash over him, sitting with his brothers. He wasn't stewing over something, or guilt tripping himself, he was there, happy. It surprised Raphael, he'd felt happiness recently, just not like this. Not very recently. And he loved it. In that one moment, it was as if nothing bad had ever ever happened before, and would never happen again, as if everything was right in the world. Maybe telling someone how you felt actually did help.

 _ **dawww! mushy ending! sorry if this is cheesy, i don't care. anyway, thanks for reading and please review!**_


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